Adoption Consulting

Entering the world of adoption is often very confusing. There are so many options, so much information, and so many factors to consider. For those who are considering adoption, I help people understand the many complexities involved in International and Domestic Adoption, explore the options available, and consider which variables are most important to them. See also the descriptions of workshops for parents, below.

Issues to consider include factors such as:

• Age, Gender, Race, and Ethnicity of the Child(ren) to be Adopted

• Health Concerns and Medical History

• Openness and Contact with Birthparents

• Costs and Length of Waiting Period

• Options for Single Adoptive Parents and Same Sex Couples

For those considering Domestic Adoption, areas to consider include

• Choosing Private (or Independent) Adoption with an Attorney or Use of an Adoption Agency

• How to Select an Agency or Attorney

• Understanding the Home Study

• Finding and Talking with Birthparents

• Writing a “Dear Birthparent” Letter

• Deciding on Degrees of “Openness”

• Issues Pertaining to Adoption of Older Children

• Birthfather Issues

• The Importance of Networking

• Transracial Adoption

For those considering International Adoption, issues include:

• Longterm Implications of Orphanage Care

• Choosing a Country

• Selecting an Agency

• Understanding the Home Study and Dossier

• Preparing to Travel

• Helping the Child to Adjust

• Issues pertaining to the adoption of older children

• Transracial adoption

Workshops for Parents

Deciding on the Variables: Degrees of Openness, Birthfather Involvement, Health Risks, Legal Risk, and More

Once you’ve reached the point of deciding to go forward with domestic adoption, you face another array of decisions that you need to make. There are no “right answers” on any them. Rather, what’s important is that you and your partner do some soul searching, both separately and together, so that you can be realistic about what you can and cannot live with as you seek the right adoption plan. “Openness” isn’t a “yes” or a “no” decision; it’s about exactly how much openness along the continuum you plan to have (full disclosure, visits, exchange of letters and pictures, e-mails, phone calls) both pre and post-placement. Are you OK with the idea of multiple possible birthfathers? An unknown birthfather? A baby conceived as an act of rape? A baby exposed to alcohol and/or drugs in utero? Are you willing to take a baby into your home during the “legal risk” period, when the birthparents still have the right to change their minds? While many aspects need to be decided upon on a case by case basis, it’s still helpful to become clear on general guidelines and preferences on these dimensions, as well as any absolutes that exist for you. Come and discuss all of these aspects, knowing that no “right” or “wrong” answer will be afforded. You will be encouraged instead to look within and be open to new ideas but also honest with yourself in the process of decision making.

Networking, Networking, Networking: How to Make Your Adoption Happen

So you’ve decided what you want – now, how do you go about making it happen? Networking to find a birthmother is something that many people initially feel some discomfort with. It’s an important skill to have, though, as it significantly increases your chances of finding a birthmother sooner rather than later. Discuss your ideas about networking and share with others what you’ve learned or heard. We’ll brainstorm strategies for networking and also explore some of the pitfalls to be aware of. We will also discuss any hesitation you have to the idea of networking and assist you to work through your concerns in a supportive environment.

Dealing with Everyone Else: How to Tactfully Keep Others Informed as You Pursue Adoption

People’s reactions to the news that someone they know is planning to adopt are varied – and not always helpful. You might hear that you “should just keep trying” to get pregnant, or you might be overloaded with lots of well intentioned (mis) information. The process can take a long time, and there are many ups and downs. People’s enthusiasm and desire for details may or may not be welcome. Learn how to develop your own style for tactfully handling all the concerned Aunt Harriets in your life. Decide how much information to share, and how, when, and with whom. This is another one of those “no right or wrong answer” areas, but we will discuss both the positive and potentially negative aspects of sharing information with your family and friends. There will be an opportunity to ask questions or present specific tricky situations that you want help with and get ideas from the leader and the group as to how to respond.

Adoption Counseling

Adoption Counseling is available for families who are further along in their adoptive journey. Counseling for birthparents, adoptive parents, and child/teen/adult adoptees is designed to help with whatever issues are arising at a particular time for the individual or family. Susan has worked with all members of the adoption triad – birthparents, adoptees, and adoptive parents – and is sensitive to the issues involved. 

Adoption Education Classes

Adoption Education Classes are offered for those who want to learn about the issues that can arise post-adoption and for those who are seeking the adoption education classes required by the Hague. Classes cover issues such as bonding, developmental delays, health concerns, and how to address and respond to concerns and comments of family, friends, and strangers.